If Babe Ruth Were Alive Today
If Babe Ruth were alive today…
…he’d appear on billboards advertising the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.
… he’d be the wealthiest, most famous athlete in the world.
… his wife would throw him out of his house for having numerous affairs with other women.
… there would be at least two paternity suits pending against him, which would eventually be settled out of court.
…. he would hold a press conference apologizing to “Baseball fans all over the world, especially you kids out there,” for letting them down with his irresponsible behaviors.
… he’d make the All-Star team every season, whether he deserved it or not.
… he would have a cameo in an ABC after-school drama about the importance of staying in school.
… we can’t say for sure that he wouldn’t have used Performance Enhancing Drugs.
… he would be the unanimous, first overall pick in every fantasy baseball draft around the country, ahead of Albert Pujols.
… his name would be attached to a summer camp for at-risk youth.
… he would break both Barry Bonds’ career and single-season home run records.
… both political parties would court him to speak at their party fundraisers around the country, though Ruth himself wouldn’t have any idea who these candidates actually were.
… he would star in his own T.V. reality show in which we would learn that Mrs. Ruth would often get annoyed that The Babe would drink orange juice right out of the carton while standing in his boxer shorts in front of an open refrigerator.
… he would NOT review his at-bats on videotape.
… he would require a rub-down before and after every game with a professional Swiss masseuse as part of his contract.
… his favorite movies would be “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” “Ghostbusters,” and, of course, “The Natural.”
… he would be available to pitch out of the bullpen.
… he would have greeted President Obama with a slap on the back and a “How ya doin’, kidd0?” VP Joe Biden couldn’t help but laugh.
… Roger Clemens would buzz him with a high & tight fastball. Ruth would hit Clemens’ next pitch into the upper deck for a game-winning home run. After the game, Ruth would tell the press that Clemens fastball “was nothing special.”
… he would still, at some point in his career, play for the Yankees.
… he’d wonder why “all the dames wear pants.”
… he’d fart loudly during manager Joe Girardi’s initial club-house meeting, thereby undermining Girardi’s authority for the rest of the season.
…he’d play regular season baseball games against, and with, African-Americans for the first time.
… he’d go to a Denny’s Restaurant every Saturday morning for the Grand Slam Breakfast.
…he would own a Hummer.
… he would play his first night baseball game.
…he’d max out a dozen credit cards.
… 21st Century America wouldn’t have any more idea how to contain him than did 20th Century America.
… we’d realize how small and inconsequential our modern celebrities have become.
… America would once again realize what it is like to have a Hero.